Me: "Who has the best seat in the house, me or daddy?"

Adam: "Well, Daddy's is nice, but yours is best. Your's is squishier."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mind Blowing

The wind has been busy, sweeping. The trees are plucked of any leaves that would have fallen this week, and the lawns are brushed clean. Heaps of crunchy leaves have gathered against walls and fences in tidy piles, and walkways are clear. The sky sparkles a sincere blue.

There is nothing like a good, blustery day to bring some clarity.

The wind dies down eventually, and you survey the scene. Things are reorganized; shuffled around. And because things look different, you can actually see for the first time, really see what things actually look like. You realize you had stopped seeing things the way they really are. Suddenly details you had long since ignored come to the forefront, the giant looming thoughts that took center stage are pushed to the wings, and there is a shift.

I think this is what they call a shift in consciousness.

Yesterday was a joyful day. When the phone would ring, the answer that came out of my mouth the the how-are-you-doing?-s was a firm and sincere "Great!". I haven't felt this way in a long time. I thank the wind.

The wind, for me, was this week and all the visits with the doctors, culminating in the good news from the endocrinologist. A week of considering the possibilities of an ugly outcome from those tests gave me lots to think about. But it also gave my brain a rest from all of the exhausting soundtracks that have occupied it of late. I took a week off from my "hamster wheels" as I call them - ruminating thoughts that start here, end there and then start all over again. A break from thoughts of loss and grief and uncertain futures.

The wind blew through my mind, and took with it so much worry. The clarity that has come with the good news of this week has left me with some open, ready spaces in the yard of my mind. The thoughts that were before, scattered across the landscape of my conscious like dead leaves, are now neatly piled and feeling most manageable (why did I just hear Bill and Ted in my head? Is my sense of humor coming back, too?).

Dude. It's mind blowing. :)

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