Me: "Who has the best seat in the house, me or daddy?"

Adam: "Well, Daddy's is nice, but yours is best. Your's is squishier."

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Her worst nightmare

Natalie is terrified
of the public restroom. 
 It's getting a little better as she grows older, but 


THIS throne here, 
is her worst nightmare.

She would rather hold it
or pee on a tree
or in her pants
or make the 3 hour drive home with a full bladder
than sit on an auto-flush commode.

She starts worrying about it before we even hit the restroom door, outlining her escape plan.  Once we open the stall and she sees the little black box on the pipe, with its evil glowing red light, she simply states,
 "OOOOOHHH no.  
I am NOT going in THERE."

And there is a good reason. 

The light-up loo can't tell that she's there.  
She is so tiny, that after she climbs up, she has to lean forward to hang on and not fall in.  The laser thinks she left, and 
the beast tries to swallow her alive.

She is so terrified her eyes bulge, she stiffens and screams, and then shakes all over for a good five minutes.  It's fight or flight, only she can't fly.  She would probably leap off the thing if she weren't in mid-stream.  I have tried to cover the sensor with my hand, but I usually end up triggering it and then she blames me, not the mean ol' john.  

So bathroom visits are a little stressful, for all of us.
Mercifully, there are some less worrisome water closets out there. When Nano sees a good old-fashioned porcelain privy with a shiny chrome handle, she croons,
"OOOOOH, yah, baby!  This is a good one!"
 in the voice of the Studio C "Oh Yah" lady.

I have to admit, after seeing what she goes through, I am a bit relieved myself.
No pun intended.


Jackie said...

We have felt similar pains over here! Leaping up and out in public bathrooms is so undignified too, especially when one is well passed the age of 4. Like 48. That's embarrassing. But, as my OCD dictates, I am extremely aware of the germy spray that occures in abundance when one of these things takes off like a jet!

Adrienne said...

Dangle a piece of toilet paper from the back down to cover the sensor. It will trick the sensor into thinking someone is still sitting there. I used to do this with my toddlers--works like a charm.