Harvest (A Fall Photo Album)

Jackie says I need to write about our adventure with our Christmas tree, and I will but this post has been waiting it's turn in line, and is rather delayed by the planning of the church party and the making of much fudge and such.  So please consider this an appetizer...

*****

There is a nip in the air, and giant leaves have fallen from our trees as though it were a race to get to the ground.  The crickets have gone quiet, and in the dark evenings as I walk outside, usually from the van after an activity "in town", the cheerful return of the creek's chatter is the only sound besides that of my own feet hitting the soggy leaves I should have raked before the first rainfall.

It's a blessing that there are a cluster of celebrations and holidays between now and January, because it gives my heart a net to keep it from plunging into the darkness which now comes far to early each afternoon.  I count the days until the solstice, when at least I'll know that the sun will linger a few minutes longer each day, even if I can't see it yet.

Another first in our new house; first Autumn.  The two apple trees that we pretty much ignored all summer have not taken it personally, and have given us quite a bounty of fruit, first one tree, then the other.  The kidlets did the harvesting and had such fun.  Besides eating as many as our bellies could hold, I made a couple of pies and desserts and the kids made apple sauce.  

On Halloween I made our annual Candy Corn Soup, to be consumed before trick-or-treating.  If you are new to the concept, or disgusted at the idea, each year my Candy Corn Soup is actually just some form of pumpkin or sweet potato or butternut squash soup, topped with 3 candy corns, because (sing with me...) "a spoon full of sugar makes the healthy soup go down" before the candy deluge.  

I forgot to get bacon, so it was vegetarian style this year (though not vegan, 'cuz I like me some cream and buttah!). 

The last holdout in the soup department.  All she wanted was cornbread. Note the crumbs.

Here you witness the kiddos in various stages of costuming, fulfilling the command "Eat your candy corn soup or NO CANDY for you!"

Steampunk Jonah

 The Jensens joined us, and though we tried like crazy to get out early, we still didn't hit the road till 6:30.  I had planned to take the kids down main street in Jackson to the shops that stay open late for trick-or-treaters, but we were too late.  So we tromped up to a nearby neighborhood, but quickly learned that ours were the only children that that neighborhood had seen all evening.  We had been told that certain neighborhoods get hundreds of kids, but apparently we didn't land in one of those.  The kids were met on those sleepy streets with enthusiastic homeowners who nearly emptied their bowls into the kids bags.  It felt strange though, to be the only families still on the streets at only 7:30 pm.  We've learned our lesson, though.  Next year, out by 4pm!

After tromping around until well after dark, we came back to our cottage in the woods and watched To Kill a Mockingbird.  I fell asleep halfway through, but it's okay... I have the whole thing memorized.

It was a great night.

The Photo Album

*****

In other news, earlier in the week Guy and I had our first Halloween party at the new house, and enjoyed the company of both new friends and old.  It was awesome.

Guy doing his "dead face".  Yes, he does sometimes make that face the split second before I turn out the light at night, just to creep me out.  To see how that works, look at his picture and then real quick shut your eyes.  Creepy, right!?

This was my mother's Halloween costume that she wore over 50 years ago.

Ellie at the church Trunk-Or-Treat with new friend McKenzie.  The kids have been so welcoming to our kiddos. 

Velma, Shaggy and Scooby.  Apparently, there is no such thing as "too old to go trick-or-treating".

J boy in full makeup and Ninja Ryan

 A darlin' lil' Cheetah.  The cutest wild life in our neck of the woods.

I guess I've always loved Halloween because for just one day, you get to be someone else.  But when you move, you really do become someone else for a little while.  You are the new person.  A person who suddenly doesn't know anyone.  A person who is starting over.  

And that, indeed, is a little bit scary,

But that was way back in October. A lifetime ago in your first year in a new place.

 I know some folks now.  

Real nice folks.

It's feelin' more like home all the time.

The Enchanted Wood

So, I told you about John and Jackie trekking across 520 miles (math-wise that's 1,040 round trip) of soon to be frozen tundra to come help us with our temperature troubles, our warming woes, our heating hullabaloo, our climate conundrum, our degree debacle, our...

Sorry.  You get the point.  

  While John and Guy were busily cutting a large-ish hole into the wall of the house, Jackie and I took a jaunt into Jackson on official business dropping Addyboy at work, and sort'a accidentally stumbled into The Hub, to show Jackie where my kiddos have classes. Then whoops!, we tripped and fell into the Hein & Company Bookstore.  It's an amazing Harry-Potter-esque place, that sucks you in and won't let you leave. 

So you see, 

Certain delays simply could NOT be avoided.

We staggered around helplessly, completely subject to the whims of old book smells, rustic romantic lighting and ancient dust.  It happened that just then my husband called.  As you know, any time a fix-it project is begun, about 15 minutes later a run to the hardware store will be required.  The menfolk needed doohickies and whatchamabobbits for the heater installation, and we were tasked with finding them.  I believe the conversation went like this:

Guy: "Are you on your way home?"

Me: "Something like that."

Well, technically we were going to end up home, so we were on the return leg of the trip. Somewhat.

(shhhhhh.  Don't tell.  He'll find out when he reads this).

We headed to the Jackson big-box hardware store, and much to our mutual dismay, we could not fit a 16 foot long piece of lumber, the only option for what we needed, into Guy's Hundai.  We scooted over to a place called Meeks, and the nice fellow there thought it seemed silly for us to have to buy a whole 16 feet of wood when we only needed 4 feet, so he just cut a bit off and gave it to us for free.  That's Jackson hospitality for you.  It wasn't the first time, and it surely won't be the last.

Guy called and let us know that they had decided to see if the little Pine Grove hardware store had the other baubles they needed, so we were off the hardware-hook.  We then felt it was only prudent to stop by the little town of Volcano, because IT WAS THERE.

I showed Jackie the Volcano Country Store, the oldest continuously running store in the state of California, built in 1850.  Cute owner Debbie  was as sweet and welcoming to Jackie as she was the first time we met her.

The shelves are mixed with modern and vintage products, some for sale, others for display. 

Well, we tore ourselves away from Volcano to deliver the 4 feet of wood we had acquired, and offer our help to the men.  As our husbands are quite manly men, we were not needed.  Shucks. 

What do you do when you are with your bosom friend and the children don't know you are home?  You run away into the woods, of course!  (quickly! Hurry, before they catch your scent!)

Jackie and John live with their three girls and sundry dogs, cats, chickens and horses in a beautiful house (well people and pets in, hourses and chicks out) on what I would call a "prairie" (though Jackie calls it a desert).  Much to Jackie's chagrin, there are only a smattering of trees there.  Jackie was smitten by our woods, and in a new way, so was I.  The rain over just two days had been like a magic spell, waking patches of dry, brown moss into lush green shag rugs on the trees and rocks all around.   

Jackie was particularly amused by our autumn leaves the size of dinner plates.

She managed to find about 7 uses for a leaf.

  

Here, you will enjoy seeing her reenact several scenes from history, accompanied by various British-y voices. 

We tromped all around our little wood, and seeing it through Jackie's fairytale lens made me see it with the little thrill I had the first time we saw the house.  All the inspections and documents and approvals had quite smothered my enthusiasm about our lovely wood.  

I wish you all could go on a walk in the woods with Jackie.   She sees magic everywhere.   She makes you realize that you really actually DO believe in fairies and such, but that the rude old world has snuffed out the candle of your imagination.   But luckily, Jackie carries imagination matches.

Alas, one cannot stay in the woods.  

Moss is not excellent toilet paper. 

Jackie went to my dad's place to visit him.   He was convinced she had grown several inches since college, which is very tricky of her.  It was fun to listen to them catch up.  I heard him tell stories about their mutual childhood stomping grounds in Montana that I'd never heard before. 

The gentlemen worked quite late into the evening,  but when all was done, there was a gorgeous little stove burning away in my dad's place, and he was toasty and content.  We stole away to one of the few places that is open after nine in Jackson, and enjoyed dinner and conversation, both, rich and sweet.  We talked about hard things that both our families have been through with our children, and I felt so understood,  so loved.  The time was over, far, far to soon.

They left the next morning.

After Jackie left Sunday morning, we texted back and forth pretending that they forgot something and simply must turn right around and come back.  It's the only way I could cope knowing they were getting further and further away. 

After they left, Jackie sent me the link to her pictures from the trip.  It was so interesting to see my world through her eyes. Even the mess in my studio seemed to carry the mystique of purposeful-clutter, rather than neglected-haphazardness.  I think it was Natalie's little shoes.  Children's outgrown shoes are precious relics, after all.

And then there were the books.  I've told you before that Jackie and I gift each other with books.  Well, Jackie snuck and hid two sweet books in our house, one on my painting easel, and one in the window accompanied by a sweet fairy door.

 Better than the books were the notes inside them, too dear to share here, but ones that will be sought out and read on future cloudy days, when I'm having trouble feeling the magic of our enchanted wood.

At least now John knows the way to our house in the woods. 

 Maybe he'll make his way here again, 

and maybe he'll bring Jackie with him.  

Come to my bosom!

Have you heard me talk about Jackie, before?  She was my sweet, spunky, imaginative, dear roommate back in college.  A real keeper.  She's hilarious, whether she is trying to be or not.  You would love her.  I do.

Jackie just gets me.  I told her that when I am with her, I feel like she sees all of the best parts of me, gathers them together and makes a bridge out of them that spans all of my unpleasant bits.  She knows they're down there, but she understands why, and doesn't judge me for them.  She steps over my mud, and looks up into my leaves and branches, and calls them beautiful.

Jackie and I play a game over text like we are going to see each other in a little while for lunch.  We offer up menu items and a meeting place, and count down the hours via text.  As the designated time for lunch draws close, we then politely excuse ourselves; "I had to get my horse re-shoed this morning, and he's despondent. Maybe we should postpone" or "Darn it all, I forgot today I also invited Her Royal Highness the Queen to lunch!  I simply must reschedule (said all British-y, "re-SHED-du-al). 

We have to cancel, you see; Idaho is a long way from California.

But once in a purple moon (far rarer than the blue variety), Jackie and I get to see one another.  And last month there was a gloriously purple moon.

*****

Back up a sec... there's stuff ya gotta know at this point.  Our first month in this new-to-us house was very chilly.  We even got a jaw-dropping random snow flurry in late May.  It was perfect for tryin' our hand at warming up this big ol' place.  Well, our first power bill in June arrived with a complimentary heart attack.  $954 and change.  *CHOKE*  Yes.  I did cry.  Thanks for asking.

Fast forward through the wailing and gnashing of teeth to pinpoint the problem: space heaters.  Four of them to be exact. Luckily, by the time we got the bill, Lady Summer had sat down on us like a big ol' menopausal hot flash.  At least we had time before the next big chill to do some figurin'.

Now, hop skip and jump through "me trying to solve this problem on my own in 50 different ways" (none of which was less than $2000), and we come to Jackie, who, through all the selling-buying-packing-moving had been one of my devoted- long-distance rocks.  She would wipe my tears with her words, "Come to my bosom!", which, to me, is like Lady Liberty singing, "Give me your tired, your poor!...send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me!"  Few words comfort me the way those do from her.  She got me through the first month here with daily, sometimes hourly, contact. 

As wives do, Jackie ended up telling her hubby, John, about our heating situation.

Now, if John were a surgeon, and I had a ruptured spleen, things couldn't have been more perfect -  because John just happens to have an HVAC company, and a soft spot for people who love his cute wifey as much as I do.  He offered help, and I, having run entirely out of options, very, very gratefully accepted.  (Did I mention VERY gratefully?  I am teary now just thinking about it).  After much planning and figuring, John prepared to pack up all he would require, and make the two day round-trip journey from Idaho to help us by installing a propane heater in my dad's place.

We would first need to place a propane tank.  Easy, right?  Oh, you silly, naive child.  No.  It's not.  Because digging the required 30 foot, 18 inch deep gas line trench through rock infested soil with hand shovels was as effective as a plastic spoon on over-frozen ice cream.  It took some doing, but I tracked down a thingy called a ditch witch, and a sweet fellow in our church congregation hauled it to our place.  This monster is the power-tool equivalent of a mechanical bull with a 2 foot rock-chewing chain saw for a nose.  We were told it would eat through our bolder-laden soil like buttah', but we didn't know it would cough, sputter, kick, lurch, choke, puke, and try to attack us.  Best four hours ever.

Once the trench was done, I breathed a whopping sigh of relief.  Sure, lots more could go wrong, but my part - our part - was done.  Thankfully, the tank went in just fine, and it's always fun to have a crane in your yard. 

And then... (drumroll) ...

JOHN CAME.

Now, because I know John doesn't read my blog (in fact, I quite think his testosterone levels might drop if he even used the word blog), I can say all of the nice things in the world about him without running the risk of embarrassing him.  So I will.  John is a no-nonsense, salt-of-the-earth, practical, smart, kind, slightly gruff, too-tough-for-Advil, could possibly "take down a grizzly with his bare hands" kind of guy.  Not possibly.  Just... yah.  Grrrr.  Like that.

John drove all day on a Friday, and then spent the entire next day, from morning to well after dark, in the rain (and I quote, "I'm not made of sugar"), installing the heater.  Yea, and there was much cutting and grinding and threading of pipes.  And behold, it was good.  And it was beautiful.   Is beautiful.  And it works.  The new stove is a lovely little cast iron show piece that is super warm and fabulously cost effective.  My dad can crank it up and keep his whole place toasty, and he does.

I know John would hate it to know I made a fuss over him.  He's humble, and fussing over him would make him need to go drive a tractor or maybe weld something.  Too bad.  Here comes the fuss... 

 I am so very, very grateful.  He gave so much of himself for our family.  True service happens when what you give is something that the person receiving could not have done for themselves.  Before John offered to help us, our prospects were to freeze or go bankrupt.  There was no solution within our means that could be reached.  John did that; he created a third, bless-ed possibility.  Of all the gifts the sacrifice of his time, energy and personal cost have given (not to mention his poor back), the greatest was the gift of utter peace it has given me.  I slept well that night for the first in ages.  

Peace.    

Thank you, John.

(Miss Jackie peeking through the hole in the wall where the exhaust would eventually be routed)

And, not that I really even noticed, but he happened to bring Jackie.  

(BONUS blessing!)

***

Next up, a day with Jackie, which was certainly not enough, but was all I got.  Therefore it is all you will get.  Don't be greedy.  There is only one of her.  You are quite fortunate I am willing to share her with you at all!

(And if you are in the Boise area, and need an amazing HVAC man, contact me.)

I'm not apologizing

 We have lived in the new house now for a skosh under 6 months.  It's been crazy and busy and new, and I have wanted to write a thousand times, but there has been no time.  I am tempted to apologize, but I just can't apologize for my inability to recreate our Rancho city life here among the trees.  So I won't.  I'll just tell it like it is.

 We had a cold first month, then four very hot ones, and now the cool weather is creeping up on us.  We are learning about country living, of course,
... like that road-kill lays there until the vultures carry it away,
and that all restaurants close by 8pm, and most by 2.
And we are figuring out how to live like country folk....mountain folk, actually.

Yep. We just bought our first chainsaw.

It’s been a hard adjustment, but there are sweet things, too.  Like that the lady at the library who already know your family, and will email you if she sees a book come in the donation box that she thinks your family might like.  Or that folks go out of their way -way out of their way- to help.    We live "Upcountry" and have thus learned that anything within a 30 minute drive is considered "a jaunt. We take a LOT of jaunts.

We have gotten ourselves somewhat settled, though I still don't know where some stuff is.  The kids started at a new charter school that we love.  They are getting to take classes again and things are starting to feel a little new-normal.

There is also the adjustment to the wildlife.  We have seen dozens of dear, and a coyote, and that is just in our driveway.  One sick little dear stumbled up to the house and spent the day resting around the yard until we called the wildlife refuge.  They suggested we bring it in, and it was found to be very sick with a fatal virus.  I was just glad it didn't pass away around the kids. We are adjusting, but we haven't gotten that far yet.

Adam got a new job at Safeway as a courtesy clerk (which is fancy talk for “bagger and cart-collector”) and is saving up for a car, which I cannot WAIT for him to get so he can drive himself the 10 miles to town.  He has decided to see how long his hair can grow, and it is now halfway between "Collar Duster" and "Get a job, ya' hippie!".  He is excited about his upcoming promotion to cashier as soon as he turns 18 this month.

Time for a list! (You know I love them!):

In 5 months here, I have learned how to:

Haul and stack loads of wood

Clean and start a pellet stove

Kill spiders with my bare hand

Recognize Bark Beetle damage

Thin a tree thicket

Fit 6 errands into one trip into town

Restart the internet (lots of practice with this one)
and (just today), to dig a trench with a beast called a Ditch Witch

The oldest is getting buffed out at his roofing job (which happens when you have the youngest back on the crew and lots of bags of 50 lb. concrete to be moved).

Ellie-girl has discovered a passion for baking, and is taking 2 classes through BYU Independent Study. Tessa loves the woods and is studying Spanish.  The Littles, well, they are learning to explore and play and have great adventures together.  It is the childhood I always wanted my kids to have.  At least the last two are getting it.

There is lots more to tell.

 I may or may not get around to telling it, 

but I will not apologize.

The New Digs (Before...)

Moving Day

So it takes me 

a REALLY long time to unpack, and even longer to write about it.  Over two months ago a large crowd of wonderful people came and helped us unload a big ol' truck.  Betty, our beloved neighbor, some of Ethan's and Adam's friends, Danielle, the Jensens and Slaughters all came to help.  When we arrived that day I was the last to pull into the driveway.  I had been told some folks from our new church congregation would be here to help, but I knew there might not be that many, being as we moved to Egypt, and the church boundaries are pretty wide.  I didn't imagine folks would want to spend a Saturday and drive all that way to help strangers.  

Boy was I wrong.  When we got here, there were easily a dozen faces I did not recognize, and folks were hauling our stuff into the house so fast there was barely time for introductions.  Beds and dressers and pianos flew up flights of stairs (ha), and soon we were in Box-opolis.  It was pretty amazing.

Wait.  That was three months ago today.  

Wow.  We've already been here three months.

***

Our good buddies the Slaughters and Jensens and Danielle stayed all day that first day to try to help us make sense of the chaos.  It was a good thing, too, because if they hadn't, we would have slept on bare mattresses our first night.  Joanna brought dinner and even remembered things like napkins and dish soap, which was really good, because we didn't find that stuff in our box-ville for like, a week. 

The Studio

 (if only it still looked so, so... tidy.  But I can't make art in a tidy space.  

You'll see, I have thoroughly massacred that end of the room).

The other end of the Studio

Danielle unpacks the china

 (though most of it is from Finland, not China).

My favorite room... The dining room.  

Finally, a room big enough for our whole family to sit and eat!

 (now if only we had a table big enough for us all!  But it's okay, there is enough room for a kid table when company comes.)

The Living room

  The TV stayed in that spot for a solid week. 

 It's heavy, and we didn't have the internet yet, so why bother?

Priorities.

I call this the "Main Hall", but when I think of it, I think of it as the heart of the home.  

It is at the very center of the house.  It is the one spot that all other places lead to.  

Joanna and Miss Ellie, feedin' the masses some 

stylin' Cinco De Mayo cuisine.

And Kathy, tirelessly keeping me afloat.

Ellie and Tessa's Room

(yah, it still looks about this messy.  Different mess, still a mess)

***

Unpacking is a terrible thing, so I try to avoid it.  Only then nobody has underwear.  And so then they dig through boxes looking for undies and only find those little thingies that you stab into the ends of corn on the cob.  And popcicle molds. And  stuff that makes you wonder why you packed all this crap.

Seriously, why did I pack all this crap?

I should have been a better documentarian, but honestly, that first few weeks I was pretty checked out.  Now that I have come to an agreement with the woods (You and your wild things stay OUT THERE, and I won't burn you down), things are a bit better.  So there aren't photos of some of the rooms in their boxitory state (yes, that is a made up word, but I bet you knew right away what it meant).  But "ya' seen one room full 'o boxes, ya seen them all!" ~Twain

(no.  He did not say that.  But he thought it)

  I will post the after pix-es, though.  We have managed to hang pictures on walls and the place is starting to feel like home (though I admit, when I close my eyes and picture home, it is a place about 49.7 miles away in the little house where my babies were born).  

I know eventually this will feel more like our place.  We are getting some routine to our days, and school will start next week (say it ain't so!) .  We are making friends at church, and have felt very welcome there.  The kiddos are making some pals.  The Bigs both have jobs (more on that later). 

We are figuring things out. 

We are putting down those first, delicate, fine little roots. 

And the forest has plenty of room for them to spread out.

How Soon is Now

Natalie's little face appeared in the studio doorway, her bottom lip pulled straight and tight, a tiny quiver in her chin.  Natalie does cry, and often, when she's being pummeled by Jonah or in protest when she's not being heard above our noisy crowd.  But when she is actually sad, she is very reserved with her tears, and the corners of her mouth, pointed downward in a classic yet unintentional frown, betray her resolve to be stoic and brave.

"What are you doing down here?  You are supposed to be in bed."

"But nobody will snuggle me." she said in a waivery voice, resolutely holding back the tears.

"Honey, mommy is working." I offered a little weakly, and then to defend myself, added, "And I snuggle you almost every night."

"But I want you to snuggle me now." she answered in an almost helpless tone.  Not whiny or annoying.  Almost matter of fact.  Her face melted then, and she bowed her little head and let herself cry.  I suddenly thought of a little 'ponder' I had earlier this week, about how little ones don't really have a concept of time, and of the future.  It doesn't matter when the last time was, or when the next time will be.  They are creatures of Now, and this moment is the only one there really is.  Especially when you are four.

I finished tapping a nail into a loose slat on a small work bench, and then said, "Okay."  Not like, I give in, but more like, You know what?  You're right.

She took my hand as I led her up stairs (and in this Now that we are in, her hand is still so small).  I didn't have to tell her to get in bed.  She laid down and I sat beside her, and leaning over her, I rested my elbows on each side of her shoulders and held her face in my hands.  She still looked worried, and I know it's because of all the nights I have had "things to do", hurrying through the goodnight routine.  She doesn't trust that I'll stay.  I kissed her face; cheeks first, then eyelids, then chin, nose and forehead.  Her tight little mouth finally relaxed and I did the rounds again.

"Close your eyes," I said, thinking she was so tired she might drift into sleep in just moments.  She shut them, but immediately one hand reached up and held my neck, the other grabbing my earlobe.  I watched her strain the way little ones do as they try to keep their eyes closed, eyelashes fluttering and pinching tight.  I stayed.  She rubbed her thumb on my earlobe over and over, even once her eyelids had relaxed and her face slackened a little.  I whispered I love you, and those little eyes popped back open and she held my ear with just a little more fervor.

So I stayed.

Not long.  In another two minutes I whispered, "Goodnight", and she let go of my ear and rolled over, tucking her hands under her chin.  That was that.

I have kind of lost my organizing momentum now, and the studio will wait a few days more.  Not everything needs to be done right Now.

 But some things do.

Me and Will Smith

When folks ask  about what it's like here in the woods, they usually wonder, "Is it just so quiet at night?"

Ummmm.... heh heh heh, nnnnoooo.  No, it's not.

Have you ever seen the movie I Am Legend? That freaky good Will Smith zombie movie? There is that scene after Will Smith locks down the apartment for the night, where he climbs into the tub with his dog as darkness descends (see it here).  Soon, the night sounds of the zombie horde begin to penetrate the metal window shutters which are the only things keeping our hero from becoming a midnight snack.  We cringe as the zombie cries reach a terrifying fever-pitch, while Will and his poor pooch cling to each other, waiting for the blessed relief of daylight.

It's like that!!!  Okay, maybe not a zombie apocalypse, but it was a little, at first, back when I was all worked up about mountain lions.  And fires.  And bears (Lions and fires and bears, OH MY!).  But it can still be a little spooky.

To lend some contrast, understand that from our old house in Rancho, at night we could hear the traffic on Folsom Blvd., mostly the back-up beep-beep-beep of the vendor trucks at the market 2 blocks down, and the hum of cars.  There were the random honks here and there, dogs barking, and the drunk party-ers across the street.  Oh, and guns sometimes (okay, so Rancho is it's own brand of scary).  And amorous cats,  those were my favorites.

But when you hear the same night noises for years, it becomes... quiet (except for the dang cats. You never get used to that.)

Here, the mountain-yin to that city-yang starts soon after dusk (just like in the movie!).  I mean, there is the ever present burble and chatter of the creek, of course.  But I don't usually notice it during the day, so at night it's like someone turned up the volume on it.  Next, as the last rays of daylight fade to grey, the crickets start gettin' all worked up, and then the faint chirp of a frog floats through the air. With the darkness there is another, and then another, until soon it sounds like a touch down at Frog-State University's football game.  Go listen to that in your head for a minute.  I'll wait.

Loud, isn't it?

Time for a public service announcement...

If a pond full of frogs is screaming their slimy little lungs out, and you are over it, if you yell 
"Shut Up!"... they will!  (Yes, I yell at frogs.  Don't judge).

Please explain to me... if frogs chirp to find a mate, and there are, like, 26 of them in a 5 foot pond, are they all deaf, blind, and possibly brain dead?  Honestly.  Sign up for a dating site, already.  The pond thing ain't workin'.  You're going to be single forever.

Something sets off the two chihuahuas up the hill at our nearest neighbor's.  They go on for a while till a man's voice barks back a few colorful phrases.  They scare the frogs into silence, a door slam echos through the woods, and in about 6 seconds, as though cued by an amphibious conductor's tiny wand, the frogs start up again in earnest.

Now, as I've mentioned, it's been quite warm here.  The house heats up nicely during the day, so we fling wide the windows in the evening to welcome the breezes, and climb into bed under the window as the cool evening floats in.  Guy is asleep before I'm done flossing (to be fair, I floss for days).  I finally settle into my pillow.

CRUNCH. Step, step, crackle, TWIG SNAP, drag-scrape!

I bolt up in bed and grab my phone, tip-toe running to the bathroom where I can look out the window without waking Guy.  The window is open, but the dim glow of the Little's night-light bounces off the screen and I can't see out.  I rip the light out of the outlet and am plunged into the blackest black. No stars, no moon, certainly no street lights or headlights.  I aim my phone's flashlight out the window.  Something glowing moves among the trees on the steep-but close hill across from the window, and then freezes.  Just eyes.  Daaarknesssssss and eeeeeeyes.  Darn phone doesn't shine brightly enough to reveal the owner!  I mean, could be raccoon, could be land shark, right?

I put the light down, and in a moment the crunching resumes.  We do the dance, Land Shark and I, me with my flashlight, him with his creepy-green glowing eyes.  Eventually, deciding that the Land Shark can only possibly bore me to death, I get tired and go to bed.  Step, crunch, scrape, scrape.  I put my arm over my ear aaaaaand... fall asleep.

Tap.     

TapTapTapTap.    Tap.  Tap. Tap.

There is what would appear-by-ear to be a leprechaun out in the woods making itty-bitty shoes with a teeny, tiny hammer.  I huff and shut the window, then listen to the only slightly muffled shoe making.  Nocturnal wood pecker, perhaps?  Is that even a thing?!

At about 4 am my bladder wakes me up. That's not part of the moon-lit cacophony, that's just the nightly drill, but it's super convenient, 'cuz it gets me all ready for BIRD-A-PALOOZA!!!

You may have heard some nonsense about early birds getting up with the morning light. Yah, what a load of crap.  Birds don't get up early.  They get up BEFOOOOORE early.  WAY. All of them.
ALL.
THE.
BIRDS.
It sounds like someone took 412 parrots, stuffed them into a box, threw in a few cats, and shook it really hard.

Oh, and I'm in the box, too.

I bury my head and drift off to slee... a pterodactyl flies by cawing frantically.  The pterodactyl and several of his friends circle the house 47 times. The chihuahuas protest.  I fade off again at around lap 34, but I can hear them caw in my dreams.

Just about 20 minutes later, number-one son gets up for work, and the very strangely placed vent in our upstairs bedroom that leads directly to the family room below, allows me to enjoy all of his happy, nay, spunky! getting-ready-for-work sounds.  As the garage door slams, rattling the house like a 6.2 quake, and Son's truck roars to life and then crunches up the gravel driveway too fast, I hear Guy begin to stir for work.  But he's a ninja.  I sleep right through, and then snooze a little longer after our prayer and kiss goodbye.  The birds begin to settle.  The chihuahuas are at rest. The frogs ate all the crickets, I guess, because I hear neither (may they all get heartburn). There are no more monsters in the forest.  It's finally quiet enough to sleep-
when my alarm goes off.

Yep.  Me and Will Smith, and the blessed (?) relief of daylight.

*****

But, alas, as I write this, it's

time

to

go

to

bed...

(!)