The Last Cradle

A friend gave us this cradle when her last babe was done with it, so it wasn't even one that I used for all of my babies.

First, for Ethan, there was a bassinet; a garage sale find.

Next was a crib; a hand-me-down from folks at church.

By the time Adam was a few months old I'd gotten rid of it because we had taken to co-sleeping, and the crib was just a place to pile blankets.

But when Ellie was on her way I found a little swinging Jenny Lind cradle at a second hand store and brought it home.  After losing the baby before her, it was my way of affirming that it would be okay to plan for the happy arrival of this little one.

It lasted through Tessa, and then was decommissioned.  A little too rickety.

But then Jonah made his way into the world, and this cradle, this last cradle, made it's way into our house, well loved and used by my friend Nicole for her littles turned bigs.

And at our home, the cradle was again well used.  Jumbo Jonah insisted on catching his zzz's in it till he had to bend his knees to fit. And then tiny Natalie, who I tended to place into it more often for the sake of all of our sleep (because of her ability to place her left foot in my spleen while her right occupied Guy's armpit), used it until not so long ago.

A few months ago the big girls got a bunk bed with a twin on top and a full sized mattress on the bottom, and Ellie began stealing Natalie away at bedtime to share her lower bunk, apparently undaunted by Natalie's nighttime calisthenics.

******

I don't know when the last night slipped by that my last baby had her last dream in the little wooden cradle.  It just happened one day.  One morning I simply realized that the cradle hadn't been used in... days? weeks? I wasn't sure.

I sat on the floor by my bed, folding the jumble of baby blankets it held into a tidy, still pile. The kind of pile that is waiting for a cupboard or a box, and not a chubby little person.  I cried a little, and pressed the cloth into my face trying to catch a hint, a whiff, of my babies there.

But I couldn't.

I left the cradle, with it's pile of carefully folded blankets, there for a few weeks, a month, or maybe two, telling myself there was no place in the garage for it.  And then one day Guy suggested we move it out.

"Don't rush me." I said.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to this last little cradle. I thought.

*****

Then one day a few weeks ago I finally moved it out of our room.  Natalie is 3 after all.  But I firmly informed Guy not to get any fancy notions of sending it off to Goodwill, that my grandbabies WOULD be sleeping in it, and that until that time, it would be waiting.

Waiting to hold babies again.

There is something so impossibly hard about saying goodbye to baby days.  I have been rocking babies for nearly 20 years.  It's who I am now.  It's my identity.  I'm a mommy.  Not just a mom, but a mommy.  A nose wiping, back stroking, booty patting, weep comforting, sleep coaxing mommy.

And cradle or not, I always will be.

Natalie on her new toddler bed.

Mother's Day

It's been a while since I've done a foodie post!
My Honny made me an awesome Mother's Day dinner and we ate it outside, which is my favorite!  

The breeze was breezy and the sun was only blaring in our eyes for the first hour or so.  Guy made stuffed chicken breasts with a bacon cream sauce and rosemary roasted yams, with a yummy cheesecake topped in chocolate ganche and raspberry sauce for dessert.

It was all amazing.  

The breeze created a windchime symphony, and my kids did not fight once!  It's the second time this week.  Somebody pinch me, please.  No!  Wait!  Don't do that.  I'll wake up and they'll start fighting again.  

The Littles brought me flowers one at a time throughout the night, and I received about 12 glittery handmade cards and pictures.

My day was already going great because I got to take a nap.  

(No, the boys are not reading the bible.  I have a phone ban at the table, but this was before dinner, so they feel like it's okay to be anti-social.)

I was gifted with bird feeders and clay, but my favorite came from Guy: Fourth of July Banners like the ones they hang at City Hall in The Music Man.  They are so cool.

Also, he found a Donkey Tail succulent plant for me.  It is a throwback from my childhood.  When we were kids, my dad had several of them, and we evil children would rip off the plump little leaves and throw them at each other by the handful.

When I told my kids my evil-children story, they gasped!  "That's terrible!!!" they all agreed.  I have done a lot of things wrong in my parenting, but I know that at least in the plant department, I have raised my children right.  They respect botanicals.

I am blessed.  Six kids is a lot.  Overwhelming at times, like today at the library.  Not recommended.  But I am blessed to share my life with these small and not so small humans.  Motherhood is so hard.  Most of the time I feel like I'm making this up as I go along, but when I am smart, I seek answers through prayer instead.  On my best day I couldn't come close to God's Plan for my family.

Who better to learn from than a loving Parent.    

All the best reasons

What is most important?

Where does the true value in our lives lie?

What is the first look your kids see on your face in the morning?

What are the first words they hear?

When you climb into your weary bed at the end of the day, 

do you wish that you had done more dishes?  

More paper work? 

Are you proud of how you have lived the last 24 hours?

Someone asked me these questions this week.

I didn't like my answers.

******

Tomorrow morning is a new opportunity to make better choices.

And with faces like those to look into, 

who couldn't try a little harder?