Holding My Breath

Jonah has had a few seizures since we got back from our trip, most being what I call "Blip Seizures" because they really only last a moment, just long enough for his eyes to roll up into his head and his body to go stiff for one second, and then it is over.

Tonight was a little different.  Tonight Ethan accidentally bonked Jonah-boy's head on the door jam and it set him off pretty badly.  He bellowed and then was silent, but steadily turning blue.  It went on and on, mouth open wide, face becoming a deeper and deeper blue.  I always wait for the breath that will make it all stop and bring back the wailing, which is somehow blissful once it starts back up.  When his eyes roll back, I know that the ride has begun.  "Here it goes" I find myself saying.  This time his eyes rolled back for several seconds, and though he began to make crying sounds, he also began seizing.  His arm shot out from his side and his little body tensed and jerked in my arms.  The whole thing probably only lasted 10 seconds before he went completely limp, but he was pale and still wasn't breathing.  I blew in his face and he took a small breath, but remained motionless, limp and blanched.  Three times I blew on him to get him to breathe, and finally he roused and began to cry.

I am finding that each time it happens, I am holding my breath,

waiting for him to come back. 

I hate it.

(A quick nap on the stairs)