Adam's birthday, Thanksgiving, the sale, and a family crisis all hit in 4 days. Our house has been upside-down ever since. Guy and I did our Christmas shopping in two days the week of Christmas, and while we managed to have a quiet Christmas Eve with the kids, and Guy and I tried to let go our attachments to all that we had not been able to get done, I have been, let's call it... re-evaluating.
I didn't get my village up in the window this year; no alligator hunting under the little ceramic bridge for the kids this holiday. I never got the crimson velvet ribbons onto the tree, and my half of our "sweetie ornaments", the ones Guy and I have made for each other and gifted each Christmas Eve are still in the box marked "Fragile", next to the outdoor lights that never saw the outside of the tin popcorn can they live in 11 months out of the year. I skipped creating handmade ornaments for the kids, recycled a half-finished ornament for Guy, and never got around to finishing the advent calendar, or putting The Little's names on their stockings. Worst of all, perhaps, is that for the third year in a row I have not painted a Christmas card painting, created the card or written a family letter.
There are many times that we have to let go of things; projects, expectations, plans that don't fit or aren't realistic anymore. That can be a good thing when it makes life more simple, helps us to balance our lives, and brings what is most important into focus. But pendulums can swing, as they tend to do, too far. This time letting go of so many traditions and plans has been a negative for me. I'm a bit bummed that I let go of too many things.
I have also let my posting go here for what seems like forever. There have been really, really good reasons, and I have even considered the possibility that writing here had run its course. But as I look back at our year as a family, I can't see as far back without this blog. The events that I don't post about fade for me. My memory has been so poor since Natalie's birth. I don't know if it was all the stress or an actual change in my brain, but I do know that if my kids are to have a family history, I need to keep writing it, because I won't remember the stories to tell them. And I'll admit that I do get a kick out of knowing that some of my dearest friends read it, which certainly makes sharing it a lot more fun (If you are one of my dearest friends, insert your cute name here ____________.)
Our poor, dry tree is dropping needles like Jonah drops toys on the floor, and won't make it to the new year. It's bound to be trunk up in the trash by the First. But I'm getting a jump on the New Year, with all it's goal setting and resolutions, starting with this post. And I think that, just for kicks, I'll work on that advent calendar tonight.
