Me: "Who has the best seat in the house, me or daddy?"

Adam: "Well, Daddy's is nice, but yours is best. Your's is squishier."

Thursday, February 11, 2010

By Way of Announcement

Photo by Tessa...Objects in camera may appear larger than "they" actually are. Well, the bottom one, anyway. The two on top look rather petite.

They came out of the closetmy maternity clothes. A few items I had thrown in the back after the last miscarriage, grabbed out of desperation. I held my breath and put them on. “Too soon”, I thought. Then the next day, I eased myself into them again -- to go to the school and the market -- under a bulky sweater. I got caught.

My daughter’s teachers saw my bump.

Last night I wore a fitting top and some cute jeans that made me look 24, not 14 weeks along, but it was just out to eat with friends who know our secret. I gave my husband a look at my profile. “I look pregnant.” I said with some concern in my voice. “You are pregnant.” He said. It felt like a lie.

Today I put on a very showy shirt, one that is so very “You are pregnant”, and tried to get the courage to go tell our neighbors, who have been so supportive. I helped them birth their last baby 2 months ago - me pregnant and scared to even breathe, terrified to be around birth, but determined not to let fear dictate what good I would or would not do. I chickened out about telling them. Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow I plan to make my belly-debut at church. I intend to wear my red maternity sweater with the skirt that hugs up under my belly. It will be like a big road sign, with a gawky red arrow that points straight at my paunch. “Warning: bumps ahead”.

I think. Maybe. I want to chicken out. The way I wanted to chicken out moments before telling the kids about the maybe-baby. But that was over a week ago, and I am still pregnant. But then, the last time we thought we were ok, we were wrong. I lost the baby just days after telling friends. But then, we never had a heartbeat with the other babies. But then, we had never checked. But then, we have lasted longer this time than with the others. But then,…

There are no road maps for this one.

Warning: bumps ahead. Proceed with caution

(And to our neighbors Shallon and Morri, just so you know, we have come over 3 times since I wrote this post on Saturday to tell you but have missed you each time! So if you read this before we try again tomorrow, I am sorry!)


5 comments:

Leach Family said...

Congrats Laine my love! Praying for you to keep your strength and peace with your NEW blessing brewing! I will be here for you in any way I can! Even if you want to sit on your kitchen floor and just cry or talk! I love you so much I can't put words to it! You have moved mountains for me and I can only pray to re-pay you for your heartfelt friendship! Love ya! ~Robin

julean said...

Yay! I'm so happy that you feel ready to tell the world. You are wonderful and I'm so happy for you and Guy. Many prayers and happy baby-thoughts still coming your way! I love you.

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations!

Jackie said...

Yea!!!! Great post about this whole experience. I will be praying for you.

I enjoy EVERY post you do! I check for them everyday if I get on and if there is one I eat it up like a little ice cream Sunday.

rebekahmott said...

I am so happy for you and have you in my prayers, I noticed, but was afraid to say something but know I know that I can give you a big hug and let you know how happy I am for you. I am so on your side.