I know I have promised to finish the previous post, but I have had a little scare today that is setting me back emotionally and so I need a break from writing about it all. Maybe tomorrow.
Instead, here is something I wrote Monday that is of no dire consequence.
Ellie put on daddy’s baseball hat today. It fell down over her face, and she exclaimed, “This hat smells like daddy!” “How do you know?” Adam asked her in that you’re-crazy-voice. She thrust it at him and he buried his face in the dome of the cap. I waited for a reaction, something along the lines of “ewww”, as I imagined the sweaty smell it might have.
He pulled it away and affirmed simply, “Yup, smells like daddy.” My kids have the uncanny ability of picking up a stray jacket found in our car and with a sniff telling me who it belongs to. “Mom, Linus left his jacket.” “No, that must be Nathaniel’s, he was in here yesterday.” “Nope, smells like Linus.” Sure ‘nuf, it was.
Now I was curious, what were they smelling? “Let me...” I said reaching for the cap. I cautiously sniffed at a little distance. Having Adam’s smell-seal-of-approval wasn’t worth much, the kid rarely showers.
I couldn’t really smell anything.
Again, more deeply I inhaled, but only caught a faint something. I drove my face in and breathed deeply. I felt comfort. I sensed peacefulness. But I didn’t SMELL anything for a while. I lingered, and in a moment I caught a hint of his skin, and then hair gel. There was a faint spice, maybe shampoo, and the linen smell of cloth.
I wonder if to them it really smelled like daddy, or it just felt like him, and they didn’t know the difference.