Me: "Who has the best seat in the house, me or daddy?"

Adam: "Well, Daddy's is nice, but yours is best. Your's is squishier."

Friday, February 26, 2010

Duality

February 26th. Today was my due date for the baby we lost in August. Is it irony that the baby I carry now is due in August, the very same week?

We buried each of the babies in little wooden boxes in the pot of a small mandarin tree. My midwife had suggested that we choose a tree that would give fruit and feed us for years to come. Strangely, the fruit has never been edible.

There is still a little fear in me that we could lose this one, and knowing there is no room left in the pot.

Though I realized I have reached a turning point. In the past few days I noticed I have begun to worry about postpartum depression (I have had it with 3 out of 4 babies so far). This must mean that I am thinking about the end. A good end.

And today I am thinking of another end that wasn’t so good. I can do both. It takes away a little of the hurt, still having hope for August.

.

(Hello to Edgewood MD! Thanks for reading. Stop by and say hi!)

6 comments:

~Shelley~ said...

So sorry for your losses...I lost a baby before I got pregnant with my son :( I was 4.5 months pregnant. I also suffered PPD with all three of my kids...really bad after my middle child. But, we got through it all :) Time heals all....

Good luck with this pregnancy and try not to worry (I know, easier said than done).

Visiting from "Friday Follow"..I'm your newest follower. Love for you to come visit me!

Have a great weekend :)
~Shelley @ Shelley's Swag

Leach Family said...

Love ya Laine babe! I just thankful that you still have a little piece of heaven right here in your own back yard. Even know "the tree" doesn't produce edible fruit.

My sister threw away our baby in it's pot when we were in Colorado. That was really hard to deal with. She didn't know and just threw it out.

So any who. Praying this little blessing will be your biggest and healthiest one! Much love you! ~Robin

MisAdventuresofMomof3 said...

Sorry for your loss - I experienced a loss as well. I never had to deal with PPD though. I can only imagine how difficult that can be.

I pray that you continue to have a healthy pregnancy and that God will give you peace in August.

New follower from FF - Misadventures Of Mom of 3

Simply Stacie said...

Following you from the Friday Follow!

http://stacievaughansblog.blogspot.com/

Krissi said...

So sorry for your losses. The tree sounds like a wonderful tribute! I can only imagine what nerves and fears are wrapped around a pregnancy when you've had so many miscarraiges. Stay positive! *HUGS!* Thanks for stopping by my blog. I wrote you a lengthy e-mail to answer your questions! ;-)

~SHANNON~ said...

I'm sorry for your losses, I had three miscarriages before I had my daughter, who is now 19 months. We have a special stone for the lost babies in our backyard. I love how you remember yours, that is beautiful.

I'm here from Friday Follow- except it's Saturday! Whoops! I'm glad I found your blog:)I'm your newest follower!

I hope you will stop by my blog too!!

Shannon
http://www.milkandcuddles.com/