I woke up this morning just minutes from the time Jonah was born a week ago. I imagined those moments, those last few minutes before he burst upon the planet. It was such an intense time, I could barely take it in. And the days since have flown by bafflingly fast. I dreamed last night that I was in charge of a church activity and I wasn’t ready… I looked for a diaper bag and shoes, but suddenly I was trying to run there barefoot and in my night gown, carrying Jonah in just his diaper. I kept thinking “I’m just not ready”.
And I’m not. I am not ready to leave my cocoon. Not ready to join the world, to talk to strangers in stores, and to deal with traffic and time limits and rushing about.
Today we left the house for the first time, and as we got in the van and drove away, I looked at our house and wanted to run back inside. Jonah felt so far away in his car seat, and I couldn’t see his sweet little face. If we had to leave our cocoon for something, having lovely baby portraits done by Erin was a gentle way of re-entering the world (see her website here).
. Still, I was glad to get home and wrap my arms around my little pumpkin.
He’s here right now. And he’s gorgeous.